Guy Kawasaki once wrote that “Advertising is the plastic surgery of business,: a procedure to make ugly and old products look good” in his book Selling the Dream

However, the business of business has become corrupted by charlatans practicing what can only be called some kind of voodoo economics- be it in banking, insurance, or even selling cars. We’ve started taking our own economic buzzword driven drivel and packaged it into arcane business models- ones that suggest that selling “Credit Default Swaps” is actually business instead of grand theft.

I recently questioned if Venture Capitalists, as they practice their craft now are anything but parasites. With the casinoization of Wall Street- where stock prices can drop by half, even when a company hasn’t changed it’s products- business model or suffered from any change in demand (Google during the current financial meltdown), is there any reality attached to the very real and tangible ways to define and guide business?

Either you have solid financial goals, objectives and strategies- with real products and services that fill a need, or you don’t. Back in the dot.com bomb of 1999-2001 we had VC backed online companies opening only to go out of business the next day (www.bigwords.com ended up at a local liquidator- the breadth of the offering was amazing- Amazon like, when all indications that laser focus is the key to most online success).

I lay the blame purely on the shoulders of Wall Street and Bull Speak. You know, the ability of CEOs with no “skin in the game” who are able to “push the envelope” inventing new “ecosystems” for “profit optimization through….” while forgetting the basics of business, which is providing goods and services that fill real needs.

So, I was ecstatic to find this:

Bull has become the official language of business. Every day, we get bombarded by an endless stream of filtered, jargon-filled corporate speak, all of which makes it harder to get heard, harder to be authentic, and definitely harder to have fun. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

via Fight the Bull – Why Business People Speak Like Idiots.

Which besides having the book: Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighter’s Guide

Also comes with a downloadable BullFighter software program, which allows you to analyze your Microsoft Word document for a BS quotient. If there is one thing that stops advertising from being able to do its job- making the “ugly and old products look good” it’s the clients inability to clearly describe the market, and the product without lapsing into bull speak.

Copy god, Howard Luck Gossage once famously said “people don’t read ads, they read what interests them- and sometimes it’s an ad.” If you try to read some of the horse hockey coming out of our corporations, talking about “making paradigm shifts” when what they really mean is we can’t clearly tell you why we do what we do, but you should still believe our CEO is worth $2K an hour- and we’ll be lining up for a bailout from the Federal Government as soon as we figure out how to explain what we’ve been squandering our stockholders money on.

Business and advertising both are easier without bullshit. So go get your Bullfighter now- and lets work together on selling stuff.

We won’t confuse you with anything that won’t directly impact your bottom line (translation- make you money).

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Posted in: Advertising humor, Practical Marketing 101

There must be a school of stupidity where automotive marketers all study.They apparently have two steadfast rules for TV spots:

1) They must show the car driving in (pick one):

rain soaked streets at night, across the salt flats with a plume of dust behind them and camera angles from a helo or down a twisty road.

or:

2) the car must revolve.

Lately, the “revolution” seems to be winning.

Ever since the Arnold agency introduced the New Beetle with a rotating CGI car-

and “Turbonium”

We’ve been doomed to watch cars, spinning, cameras revolving around them, and ridiculous effects as the car transforms from the rain soaked streets at night to across the salt flats onto a twisty road.

The third option is to pick some neat music and do the glamor shots. However, we’re not making music videos- we’re trying to sell cars.

(and for some odd reason, Ford put an expiration date on the URL for this Flex ad- DUMB)

Watch your commercials carefully. They either fall into the above category- or they may actually be advertising, that tells us something about the car and why we might want to buy it.

This may be part of the reason people don’t feel compelled to buy a car lately.

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Posted in: Advertising humor, VW advertising

Doctors spend a lot of time in school learning how to diagnose our ills. They run up big school debt. Then they are expected to start a business, usually with very little capital.

Even if they do have money- medical office marketing, as practiced by most physicians maybe one of the boringest categories of all. A picture, a name, a location and “now accepting new patients” makes up 90% of the ads. A few might say something like “specializing in smiles” or provide a laundry list of services or accreditations. Of course, comparative advertising is verboten by the medical society- because as my friend who failed the bar exam 7 times and is now driving a truck says: “what do you call the guy who graduated at the bottom of his class from Medical school? Doctor.”

So, if you do happen to have an exceptionally talented physician, who graduated near the top of his class, and you’ve known since he was just an Air Force captain working on bomb carrying model airplanes and was the kicker for the Air Force Academy, and is a really nice guy with a down home touch… and a small budget to create ads- what do you do?

Have fun!

Who wants to go to a doctor who is already going to bend you over- who runs an ad that looks like he has a stick in his ass before he’s even met you?

Meet Doctor Christopher Blasy, DO, who will not only be your favorite general practitioner if you live in Hinesville Ga, right outside Ft. Stewart and close to Savannah Ga. Besides giving Dr. McDreamy a run for his money- Chris will make you feel comfortable- even if he does have a rubber glove on and is coating it with KY. We had to make that come across in an ad- before he even had his formal “I’m a doctor” picture had shown in our e-mail:

No photo, no problem. Dr. Chris Blasy opening office ad.

The people at the publication got the ad- and offered to insert a bad photo that they had of him- they didn’t get the ad.

When the “official looking” photo came in- with the white lab coat- a standard medical ad didn’t seem right either:

Find the Doctor. This is your first exam.

While it doesn’t exactly say “now accepting new patients” this ad also serves as a social filter- making sure that his patients have a sense of humor (science had already proven that people with a sense of humor live longer) thereby guaranteeing his patients will live longer than the competition. Good marketing can even improve your patient mortality rates- but don’t tell that to the hospitals who still like to run ads inviting sick people in for the highly risky procedures as opposed to working on preventative medicine.

There will be more ads for Dr. Blasy- but we thought we’d share some of our ideas for medical advertising to help other doctors realize your ads don’t have to be as boring as your med school text books.

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Posted in: Advertising case studies for The Next Wave, Advertising humor, Differentiating your brand, Low budget advertising, Practical Marketing 101

I’m not going to go Sun Tzu on you, but a guiding principle in warfare is to attack where your enemy is weakest. In judo, you try to make your weakness your strength. Political advertising may be one of the areas where this is toughest- since incumbency and large campaign chests are considered prime indicators of product value. Shrewd political contributors don’t give to longshots, they bet their dollars on who they think can win. It’s the nature of the game, and a very hard marketing battle.

Think of it as launching a challenger brand, with no money, no time, and a very absolute deadline to dominate the market (election day). Can you imagine Procter and Gamble launching a new detergent and having to have 51% of the market make a purchase in two months?

Here is our first shot at launching a local political activist into a National Congressional race. Please note, not only did the candidate star in the ad, he wrote it himself (unlike his competition) because of course, the candidate is the same person writing this post.

it is also available as a downloadable iPod version here: http://esrati.com/?p=490

One of the keys of viral marketing and leveraging your low budget campaign is getting others to talk about it- the “word of mouth” factor. You can’t count on this happening automatically. This is where your established network of customers can make or break you. First, you have to actively tell them that the campaign is out there. Digitally- this means sending e-mails, posting appropriate comments in appropriate places, and reaching out to people who think as you do. It used to be marketing to the influencer or early adopter- now, it’s to your social network either formal (Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace) or informal as I did. Here is what creative genius Ernie Schenck said about the spot:

Ernie Schenck Calls This Advertising?
Seriously, people, show me a spot in this already tired political year that comes close to this simple little gem from Dayton ad guy, David Esrati, and I will eat my moustache. Attention, candidates: A little imagination, a little self-deprectation and a little ability to lighten up can go a long way. The man ought to get elected on the spot alone. Nice work, Esrati.

A client, and really smart guy, Charles Halton posted on his Awilum site:

it’s the funniest political ad I have ever seen. If politics were more like this it would make election season actually fun!

Another client, who happens to be a member of the Democratic Underground site posted it here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385×82652
which quickly became the highest click through on YouTube- even though the numbers are very low for what it has to do. (more…)

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Posted in: Advertising, Advertising case studies for The Next Wave, Advertising humor, Apple Advertising, Change the world, Creativity, Differentiating your brand, Future of advertising, Guerrilla campaigns, Low budget advertising, Marketing & the Web, Media, Practical Marketing 101, Procter & Gamble Advertising, Public Relations in the Web 2.0 world, Search and Business, Secrets of great advertising, The craft of advertising, Viral Marketing, Web strategy

Just a few weeks ago, Ad Age was lamenting the future of CMO’s with their short stints at the top. Next thing you know, they are popping up in their own tv spots.

This morning at the gym, in the span of 2o minutes, I saw two spots featuring CMO types:

Adrants » Old Spice Stakes Claim to Tony Stewart’s Armpits
The grand old deodorant brand hits us again with a spot called Armpit for its Collector’s Edition. Compiled by Wieden Kennedy, it begins and ends with the maniacal laughter of the company’s “marketing president,” Alex Keith.

The spot’s theme is how the CMO scored a success by sponsoring NASCAR driver Tony Stewart’s armpits as ads for Old Spice. Old Spice wants you to visit the excitement at www.tonystewartsarmpits.com

The second CMO as rockstar sighting was a Coors ad- probably about drinking responsibly. However, I can’t find any reference to the spot, or the CMO (other than Coors has a new CMO) anywhere. The fact is- no consumers care who the CMO is- or what they think, much less than they care who the CEO is- unless you are Steve Jobs.

Advertising isn’t about you- the marketer, it’s about what interests the customer.

And although those of us in the business were caught up in the Julie Roehm scandal at Wal-Mart, and dismayed when VW ditched Kerri Martin- consumers don’t care.

The idea of elevating CMO to rockstar status needs to go away.

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Posted in: Advertising, Advertising humor, Careers in Advertising, Everything you want to know about advertising, Future of advertising, Great ad agencies, Procter & Gamble Advertising, VW advertising

 Ad Age Small Agency Diary had a post from Doug Zanger who hails from Portland Ore. It seems bad car dealer ads run from coast to coast.

He gives us 5 (give or take) rules for local car dealers to have better commercials. I doubt any car dealer in Dayton Ohio would bother to read this- or follow the rules, since everyone of them believes they are über creative and smart with their ad dollars.

See if you can figure out what car dealers fit which commandment. My choice list of egregious offenders would include (in no particular order):

Frank Z Chevrolet, Hidy Honda (and now Hidy Ford), Key Chrysler, Prestige Ford, Chuck George Chevrolet, White Allen, Jeff Schmidt, Dave Dennis Dodge- and that’s just for starters.

Advertising Age
Sadly, there are plenty of dealers who still pollute every possible breath of air with that used-car smell. For those egregious offenders, I propose some local-car-advertising commandments. I’ll start with five-ish and invite you to contribute your suggestions to complete the list.

1) Thou Shalt Stop Yelling
This isn’t an air raid. The world won’t come screeching to a halt because the factory authorized an incentive. We know you have to sell cars, but just talk with us about it for goodness sake. Rick Dalbey, creative director at Livengood/Nowack, in Portland, put it best when he said this about auto dealer radio ads: “Think about someone sitting next to you in the car. If they started yelling at you, you would tell them to shut up, wouldn’t you?” Good point.

2) Thou Shalt Stop Using Some Kind of Mascot
OK, Trunk Monkey from R-west in Portland for Suburban Auto Group doesn’t count. That campaign was just flat-out funny. What I’m talking about is an untrained goat, Pickles the family kitty or some college intern dressed as a lobster, all designed to sell cars. Worse yet is animated clip art or a creepy, superimposed mouth on an animal. Unless it’s a dog with opposable thumbs that can actually drive the car, argue with the cop after being pulled over for going 12 miles an hour on the freeway and fight the ticket in court, please stay away from it.

3) Thou Shalt Stay Away from Humor and Your Own Commercials (Unless You Can Pull it Off)
You might fancy yourself funny. Your inner haberdasher may think you’re a riot. That joke about the penguin and the bale of hay always kills at the local watering hole, but we prefer you keep it to yourself. You may also be great in front of a crowd after a few samples of Novortsky Prospekt’s finest, but a fair number of people freeze up like Charlie Brown in a spelling bee when the little red light on the camera blazes up.

4) Thou Shalt Stay Away From 40-Second Disclaimers
I know, you have to use them. But can’t we just keep asking the attorneys general in our states to cut us all some slack and allow you to put all of that crap somewhere other than a radio spot? You hate it. We hate it. If I want to hear someone talk that fast, I can dial up my former intern, my cousin Abby or go to Aqueduct and listen to the call of the fifth race.

5) Thou Shalt Be Proud of Customer Service
If you’ve won an award, cool. Tell us why you won. Those things aren’t easy to win and they shouldn’t be bungled in with the rest of your message. Take pride in the achievement and make that the main point of your message if this is the route you choose. Anyone can find the car they want, but finding honest, good service is another issue. Parker Johnstone, CART driver and owner of a Honda dealership in Wilsonville, Ore., put it best when he once explained to a group of us: “We’re in the service business. We just happen to sell cars.” Johnstone’s shop backs up its claim every time I bring my (paid-for) ‘92 Accord in for service. It’s not “just about the deal,” fellas. We’re human. We like to be treated well.

5.5) Thou Shalt Give Us a Shot
Most of us like cars. Most of us are pretty good at advertising and marketing. Let us help you, the dealer, come up with something mind-blowing. There’s some remarkable work out there. (RPA’s work for Honda Element in L.A. is a personal favorite.) It can be done just as well locally if you let us try for you. Ask yourself if what you’re doing is working. If it’s not, give us a call or read “Purple Cow” as fast as possible.

5.75) Thou Shalt Turn Off the Grill
A friggin’ hot dog never sold a car. Neither did popcorn nor balloon animals. Clowns are creepy. A petting zoo may interest me as long as the local health department clears it and there is an ample amount of hand sanitizer for everyone.

The good news is there are a few dealers who don’t break any of these rules- but could still use a more sophisticated, or interesting message.

Face it- the car industry has enough problems foisted upon it by the great “CEO” leaders who remember to pay themselves crazy well- while producing crap cars and flooding the market with dealers and me-too variations. Bad local advertising shouldn’t be adding to the problems.

There are some other commandments in the comments- with a chance to win prizes- so I recommend you head over to the link and see what other creatives add. By the way- I wrote about the Trunk Monkey ads and how local dealers could learn from them long ago here: A car dealer that gets it. 

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Posted in: Ad Agenices In Dayton OH, Advertising, Advertising humor, Creativity, Differentiating your brand, Everything you want to know about advertising, Future of advertising, Low budget advertising, Practical Marketing 101, Retail, Secrets of great advertising, The craft of advertising

Big ad campaigns are great- for clients with big budgets. But, sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference. Seth Godin talks a lot about that “something extra” in his book, Free Prize Inside.

For Jason Liff, film festival organizer extraordinaire, there was no budget, no time and no real plan for how to present himself at the Toronto Jewish Film Festival as a consultant for other film festivals.

And, while you would think that a visionary would have these things all planned out- it’s often not the case. He just called us and said, “I need something to hand out, and I’m leaving tomorrow at 6am.”

Nothing like a deadline to get the creative juices flowing- and nothing like a rush to get clients to step outside their comfort zone and approve something that they would normally give the boot.

Business cards can be phenomenal selling tools- and having a great card is something we always stress for our clients. It’s often your first meeting- and first impressions can be game changing. So for a guy going to meet with a bunch of Jewish film festival types- only one solution seemed right- we hope you agree.

Would a title under his name said as much? And in your card file- would this one stand out? (note to SH, while a 2 sided business card would have been cleaner- if you’ve seen a business card case, with all the card contacts in it- this works a bit better- and saved the client some extra cash on the rush job).

Good, Fast and Cheap- doesn’t happen in advertising very often- but here it is.

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Posted in: Advertising, Advertising humor, Brand relevancy, Creativity, Differentiating your brand, Everything you want to know about advertising, Low budget advertising, Practical Marketing 101, Secrets of great advertising

I own a TiVo- and I’ve used a Time Warner DVR- and that was all it took-instant understanding of why the TiVo experience is better- but, a Pepsi Challenge type campaign isn’t enough to change TiVo’s fortunes- TiVo has to do a lot more to gain market share- and the new ad campaign from Kaplan Thaler Group isn’t the answer.

From an article in the New York Times- TiVo is going to spend $15 million to try to change their fortune- and, unfortunately, they aren’t going to get it right (more on that following the excerpt)…

Avoiding Ads With TiVo? TiVo Strikes Back – New York Times
But how do you make a TiVo-proof commercial for TiVo? Executives at TiVo hope the answer is to hire an agency known for broad humor, talking animals and chirpy jingles, then approve a campaign centered on a silly (though eye-catching) visual device, meant to symbolize how much TiVo differs from generic DVRs.

The campaign, now under way, carries the theme “My TiVo gets me.” The effort, created by the Kaplan Thaler Group in New York, includes commercials on television and radio and in movie theaters, a pair of Web sites at whogetsme.com and mytivogetsme.com, (Next Wave: note- both link to the same site- and it’s all FLASH) contests, blog postings and promotional events in large markets like Boston, New York and San Francisco.

The device at the heart of the campaign is to bring to life the antenna atop the head of the “TiVo man,” the character shaped like a TV set that has personified the brand. The ads feature TiVo customers who sport antennas on their heads, which — thanks to the Stan Winston visual effects studio — seem as much a part of them as the remote controls they use to navigate the entertainment superhighway.

The campaign, with a budget estimated at more than $15 million, arrives as TiVo recorders and other DVRs loom larger than ever on the advertising landscape. Nielsen Media Research estimates that 17.2 percent of American households own DVRs and, according to an analysis by MediaPost Communications, penetration in television markets across the country ranges from 5.7 percent in Marquette, Mich., to 26.5 percent in Dallas-Fort Worth.

The proliferation of DVRs means that viewers are increasingly watching TV programs on a delayed basis rather than live. That in turn is leading Nielsen to rework its longtime methods for measuring viewership to count people who play back a program within one, three or seven days after it ran.

And because so many DVR owners fast-forward through spots rather than watch them, Nielsen plans to start providing by the end of May ratings for commercials in addition to its traditional program ratings. (TiVo has started supplying its own data to advertising agencies, showing second-by-second viewing patterns among its subscribers.)

TiVo, as the brand of DVR that has become synonymous with the category, is benefiting from the growing popularity of digital recording in the same way that brands like Band-Aid, Coke, Kleenex, Post-it, Q-tips and Xerox took advantage of similar synonym status in their markets.

But TiVo’s gains in subscribers have slowed significantly as more operators of cable TV systems sell their own — usually unbranded — DVR services.

As of Jan. 31, TiVo reported 4.4 million subscribers, 1.73 million who owned TiVo brand recorders and 2.7 million who had TiVo service through their DirecTV satellite service. The total was only 1.8 percent higher than the 4.36 million subscribers that TiVo had on the same day in 2006.

By contrast, subscriptions grew 130.8 percent from 2004 to 2005, and grew 45.3 percent from 2005 to 2006. (Subscribers who own TiVos pay $19.95 a month for one-year subscriptions, or $8.31 a month if they subscribe for three years.)

“We have spent the better part of the last year coming up with a list of significant differentiated features,” said Thomas S. Rogers, president and chief executive at TiVo in Alviso, Calif.

“This is a way to reintroduce TiVo the brand” in a way that will persuade consumers “to say: ‘I’m not interested in the generic DVR. I want the TiVo experience,’ ” he added.

Among the TiVo features described in the campaign are movie downloads through a partnership with Amazon.com, KidZone parental controls, the ability to share video clips with other TiVo subscribers and the ability of TiVo to “learn” which shows subscribers want

So-  how should TiVo solve their problems?

Well, first, hire an agency that really understands new media- back in November I went to a diversity trade fair and KTG was there- they had 52 pages indexed in Google- we had  260. Today those numbers are: KTG 47 and 447 for The Next Wave. To still have the idea that large geographical markets are the answer is missing the point of the Long Tail.

TiVo has experimented with funny ads before- to disastrous results. There was one about jock itch with Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott on the golf course. They’ve also been through a ton of agencies- including some of the best. Here is an example of early work attributed to Goodby Silverstein – a truly great ad agency:

And the sad thing is- this spot still works- no need to run new, different- or more entertaining ads- the problem comes down to a few things:

• TiVo really should be partnered with Apple computer. The combination of the Apple brand which stands for ease of use- with TiVo which is the leader in ease of use would be magical. It would also be the right combination for recording and downloading- something Apple TV is sorely missing.
• The market for TiVo is the early adopters- opinion leaders. TiVo blew it with their late intro of a HD TiVo- and then insulted it’s user base by charging exorbitant prices. It should be an advantage to be a current loyal customer- not a reason to be taken advantage of. I’ve almost switched to Time Warner just to get a HD box without having to take out a second mortgage.
• TiVo’s true value hasn’t really been tapped- one of IPTV style direct delivery of targeted ads. Because they haven’t been able to get critical mass- and haven’t worked their customer relationships well enough- they may have missed this boat as well. A partnership with Nielsen to supply a TiVo to every metered home on a trial basis would have done more for better numbers- and sampling- than any campaign ever would.

TiVo hasn’t got a chance of surviving solo at this point. When they lost their partnership with DirectTV- and failed to work with the cable companies- they sealed their fate. TiVo can offer all kinds of new services- but, the reality is- they are a one trick pony- without a chance of winning the IPTV race- unless they partner with the calvary- be it Apple, Amazon, Nielsen, Cable companies, Telcos, or someone with the horses to get market penetration by taking the box as a loss leader- and the subscription fees as well – and focus on the community building relationship that TiVo has the sole rights to own in the DVR/IPTV competition.

Remember- it’s never about the technology, it’s about the content and the community- and that’s what TiVo should be placing all their effort behind.

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Posted in: Advertising, Advertising humor, Apple Advertising, Differentiating your brand, Everything you want to know about advertising, Future of TV, Future of advertising, Great ad agencies, How to select an ad agency, Marketing & the Web

APRIL 1, 2007: Ad Age: In a strange turn of events, former Crispin Porter + Bogusky LA Office Managing Director, Sally Hogshead landed the Miller Lite and Miller High Life accounts, previously at Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Miami. When asked if putting a $100 million dollar plus account in the hands of a SWAT CD, instead of a traditional agency, Miller CMO Randy Ransom replied, “we tried Man Laws, it seemed to make perfect sense to go with a woman to lay down the new laws. We believe Ms. Hogshead has a unique and radical brand positioning strategy to make Miller Lite and Miller High Life the number one choice of the serious beer drinker.”
Ad Age has learned that the brief centered around new packaging for Miller products- instead of trying to compete with the traditional 12 oz, 20 oz or 40 oz sizes, Miller has decided to adopt the hogshead as the new unit of popular measure. A hogshead is a barrel that holds 62 gallons. Miller declined to comment, but in the secret brief that was leaked to Ad Age, Miller realized that if they sell one hogshead per beer drinking household, there isn’t room in the refrigerator for any competing brands. Miller has yet to confirm the account move on their beer blog- although they did confirm the split with CP+B.
Package design will be handled by IDEO, and in a radical move, Miller will only be sold online, delivered same day by new FedEx Buzz Delivery.
Said Ransom, “We don’t know why we didn’t think of this earlier, Super sizing has done wonders for the soft-drink business.”
Budweiser refuses to comment, but is now introducing the 10 gallon jug in selected test markets.

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Posted in: Advertising, Advertising humor, Brand relevancy, Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Differentiating your brand, Everything you want to know about advertising, Great ad agencies, How to select an ad agency, The craft of advertising